Its 5 am in the morning can’t sleep.
Today my parents left for Kolkata. They came just for two weeks, so from the day they arrived the joy of having them in my house was somewhat marred by the fact that they will be leaving so soon. On the top of it, baba not being well and oli falling suddenly sick in the middle of it ... it was not the best of trip for them.
How I still managed to enjoy it though? I suppose seeing oli interact with my parents and my sister made up for everything. It was so much fun seeing her play and relax with them. Every time I felt the pang of their leaving so soon, she came up with one more game with didi or baba to take my mind of it.
Should I be worried about it? I am an obese (73kg as off 3 mins ago), unemployed (9 months and 19 days right now), obsessive mother. I don’t do anything that does not concern my daughter. And every thought positive and negative seems to circling around her. Every work I do or don’t seems to be for her.
It was such an easy habit to get into ... not really a bad habit either, for some time I think oli gained from it and I had the gratification of being a full time mother. Now as every day goes by my doubts keep on springing their heads, shouting louder and louder, asking whether I should start cutting myself off from her a little ... by little. Whether that would be just as good for her, as it would be for me. Question is, how to do it?
Like an addiction I fell into this habit, now whenever I feel I absolutely get out it, I start giving myself excuses.
But the other moms always had jobs, they never lost it, so they had to start early, so it was easier
But the other moms always had a job, they wouldn’t have to start a new job with a small child.
But the other moms had good help, nanny, ayah
But the other moms are just not that attached
How does a person who has lost pretty much everything she signified as her life gains it back?
I suppose by prioritizing things, arranging help, making a list of things to be done, setting themselves some goals and go about achieving them.
hmmmm. So how does an unorganized mind do it?
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